She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
