Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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