there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
