i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
