garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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