apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
