Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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