It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
