you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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