Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize