I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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