Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
