you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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