you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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