Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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