i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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