Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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