No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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