hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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