what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
