Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
