Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
