Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just forgot I was standing up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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