"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
