i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
