There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize