this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
