I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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