A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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