I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
