I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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