Need sex. Gaining weight.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
