I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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