OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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