There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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