We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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