If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
