Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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