We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
