Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
