im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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