I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
