He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
