i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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