..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
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theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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