did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
