I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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