My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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