she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
