I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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