Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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