we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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