he puts the penis in happiness.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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