Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
