i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my poor anus
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
