My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
