The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
