I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize