I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
