remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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