These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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