Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sober January is a disaster.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Never joke about your clitoris.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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